First Post

This is my first post. I saw my friend, Candise Brown's blog on here and thought it looked therapuetic. I write already for my job, why not try here?

As of right now, I am the proud mother of two. Ashton, 3, is a joy and a pain. He loves Thomas the Tank Engine, Cars and to pester his sister, Kaley. Kaley, 2, is our strong-willed child. She is tough and stubborn, but she still wants to climb into my arms and be my baby. I never could have imagined that my kids would be so close in age, but God opens the womb when it is His choice. I hope that it won't be too long before #3 is on its way.

We are working on potty training Ashton and it is not progressing. We've been working on this since last May....it hurts just to write that on here. I've cried unbelievable buckets of tears of frustration, anger and all sorts of emotions regarding the toilet and Ashton's refusal (for who knows what reason!) to go #2 in the potty. I'm about to just ignore him now and move on to his sister. I just need to focus.

My husband, Eric, is the co-host of American Family Radio's morning show. He's on there with JJ Jasper and I think he seems to have a good time there. He's a fine man, and sometimes I wish I had the strength he has when it comes to just getting things accomplished around the house.

Eric sometimes asks me if having 2 kids is already enough, but no matter the chaos that happens, there's a burden in my heart, a longing, for that 3rd and maybe 4th child. I don't know if I will be able to actually have a 4th child. That's all up to my body and probably the recommendation of my doctor.

I am a part-time writer for the AFA Journal. I work with a great group of people. I'm 30, to be 31 in May. I want to act, sing and play my flute professionally some day. Right now, I want to be a stay-at-home mom. I feel manic and calm often in the same moments. I have to or else nothing would ever get done. Sometimes I think in news feeds like you see on Facebook. I update my status in my mind.

"Ashton went potty! Hooray!"

"Kaley said 'I love you, Mommy!'"

More than anything, I want to be closer to my God and my Savior, Jesus. I'm not the Christian I should be, and many days I find myself feeling guilty for what I would call falling behind. However, God is infinitely merciful and He'll never remove me from His hand. I am His, forever.

God, help me write this...I don't know why I undertook this. Maybe You have a purpose with my clumsy and often flippant thoughts.